I am so, so sorry to read of the burdens you have been carrying. I so hope you can heave some of that baggage overboard and sail forth into smooth waters.
I too suffered such abuse, and worse still decades of self-imposed shame for not having been able to prevent our father’s attacks against my sisters (one & two years older than me).
Speaking out is so important, and so greatly appreciated by those who are still mired in trauma responses.
FWIW, your beautiful brain might be interested in what @jessicawildfire has going on at Sentinel Intelligence (she’s mostly moving it off Substack, but still cross posts for the time being). I found having a phrase that describes those of us who’ve been indoctrinated in risk management as a survival mechanism: we see more clearly risks that others don’t because we’ve felt pain that others haven’t (thankfully!).
Thank you so much. And let me express sympathy for the shame you felt in that role as protector of your siblings. I know it well, as the oldest of four, and it's something I've had to examine as well. I will check out the reference to Sentinel Intelligence; thanks for that.
My heart aches for you deeply while also singing with resonance through your powerful courageous journey. Thank you for listening to your intuition and choosing to honor these vital insights not only for yourself, but to share them with everyone. Mad love and respect lady! You are even more of a badass than I already thought you were!
Wow. Didn’t expect the first part, but I’ll probably say something inappropriate about it, so my apologies in advance. The second part of the essay is great, very interesting take on the food thing. Thank you.
I wonder was your father ever confronted or punished, and is he still alive? If you don’t want to go there, please just ignore the questions and I won’t be insulted. Nor will I bring it up again.
For the past year and a half, I've been working on a memoir and just finished a draft before the holidays; it tackles these questions and more. But the quick answers are: Yes, he's been confronted; no, unfortunately he has yet to be punished; and yes, he is still alive.
Thank you Lisa. I’ll read the rest of the story in your memoir. Please let us know when it is available. Hoping you find peace, and to be honest, he gets some form of punishment.
Peace comes in moments, such as right now, I am awake from insomnia, but I hear the wind blow my garden chimes, a thronging, soothing sound since the chime is a sturdy clay bell and clapper I've had since it was left by the previous occupants of a house I bought and lived in for a time in Tacoma, Wash. So a sound that soothes with resonance and positive memories of a garden I once had, an old white lilac tree and the one-legged Steller's jay that frequented it.
The punishment: It's so hard to prosecute crimes against children committed by their parents, and at this point he would need to turn himself in for any justice to come. That's a bitter truth, one that makes it hard to sleep.
Phil, thank you for this. I am not sure yet what I will do with the memoir, but I am considering posting some of it here on Substack.
Thanks, Beth. Even if the statute of limitations in at least one state where the crimes were committed weren't up, it's still monumentally difficult to prosecute crimes against children committed by their parents.
HEAR, HEAR!!! (I mean that in both ways.) The shame survivors must contend with is really other people's ineptitude toward the crimes committed against us which enables the perpetrators. I, too, am breaking my silence here on Substack. I have found the channel for Vera Hart, PhD to be very helpful since she is not only a survivor herself of sexual predation in adulthood, but a psychiatrist focused on neurological aspects of trauma. However, this may be a redundancy for you if you are well-versed. It has been very valuable for me. I've gotten into permaculture last year, but do not have my own home anymore. Consequently, my life has shifted dramatically, and the future is more uncertain than in any other time in my life. That's a pretty scary prospect as I approach 60 years of age. Still, you have to live the life you've got. I wish you well on your journey. I will be here reading as you go. Check out my channel if you have time. Many forking returns! Fork on!!!
Beth, first, I'm with you as you break your own silence here on Substack. I'm following you now, and I wish you the best as you face an uncertain future. Second, thank you so much for your supportive words. Lastly, I will check out Vera Hart, and I thank you for that referral.
Bless you on your healing and health journey. I may be a little older than you Lisa. I grew up during a time when child abuse of all sorts wasn't an epidemic. I doubt it was as rampant as it has been since the 1980's.
I doubt you not Lisa. Looking back it seems to me that there were less pedophiles. Most adults I encountered knew how to let children be children and have their rendezvous with other adults. Not saying all of the people in my day were perfect. But I remember how adults I was around would whisper and talk in code so we kids couldn't hear or understand certain things they were talking about.
My mom even had a good trusting relationship with her babysitter. She lived with her sister and brother who were in their 60's. When my mom's babysitter got ready to go on vacation one year. My mom didn't have to lose time from work or look for another. Ms. Hattie, Mattie and her brother took from me from NYC all the way to somewhere in California, and delivered me safely back to my mother in NYC in a couple of days. Times have surely changed.
I think we've created a culture of fear and that we inculcate fear in our children, yet I'm not sure any of that is actually keeping children safe. In my memoir, I credit the enormous freedom to roam that characterized my 1970s childhood as key to my very survival. Since the seat of my trauma was in the home, being able to leave and spend time not just with other children but with other adults who were healthier than my own parents helped give me some of the nurture and validation I missed from them.
Thank you for your comment, Mary, as it brings up a topic that is very important. I don't know whether there are more pedophiles in today's society or not; I'd have to dig into the question of what if any research has been done to show an increase that isn't due to better awareness and reporting. But I think we can say there is more of an effort to mainstream or normalize pedophilia today, as evidenced by the push to relabel pedophiles as "minor-attracted persons" and the existence of groups like NAMBLA. That's a dark, disturbing move for sure.
Bring it sister! Appreciate your voice and courage. An artist I've loved for decades, Deb Talen, recently started sharing her experiences of being violated as a kid. I carry my moms trauma in the same vein. F**k shame. Forever.
Thank you, Brian. You have my sympathy for carrying your mother's trauma. My own mother to this day still tells me to "just get over it." She also insists that whatever I experienced as a child was nowhere near as bad as what she experienced married to my father. It's a tragedy and a source of great rage all in one, the mother's role.
Hitting 'publish' on this one is the scariest moment of my 35-year career. Heart palpitations...
While I applaud the changes, there's still a lot of room for improvement in the new dietary guidelines: https://unsettledscience.substack.com/p/butter-is-not-back-the-broken-promise
I'm with you, Lisa. You're doing really difficult and necessary work. Sharing it with others is a gift to all.
Thank you, Claire.
Hoping for your continued recovery and good health.
Thank you so much.
I am so, so sorry to read of the burdens you have been carrying. I so hope you can heave some of that baggage overboard and sail forth into smooth waters.
Thank you, Ellen.
Thank you for your courage, Lisa.
I too suffered such abuse, and worse still decades of self-imposed shame for not having been able to prevent our father’s attacks against my sisters (one & two years older than me).
Speaking out is so important, and so greatly appreciated by those who are still mired in trauma responses.
FWIW, your beautiful brain might be interested in what @jessicawildfire has going on at Sentinel Intelligence (she’s mostly moving it off Substack, but still cross posts for the time being). I found having a phrase that describes those of us who’ve been indoctrinated in risk management as a survival mechanism: we see more clearly risks that others don’t because we’ve felt pain that others haven’t (thankfully!).
Thank you so much. And let me express sympathy for the shame you felt in that role as protector of your siblings. I know it well, as the oldest of four, and it's something I've had to examine as well. I will check out the reference to Sentinel Intelligence; thanks for that.
Oh Lisa! You are Inspiring! Big internet hugs for you.
This is amazingly done and especially through the heart palpitations!
I wish you transformational healing! May writing and eating be part of that process! 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you, Liz.
My heart aches for you deeply while also singing with resonance through your powerful courageous journey. Thank you for listening to your intuition and choosing to honor these vital insights not only for yourself, but to share them with everyone. Mad love and respect lady! You are even more of a badass than I already thought you were!
Thank you, Carlyne, especially for the badass comment!
Wow. Didn’t expect the first part, but I’ll probably say something inappropriate about it, so my apologies in advance. The second part of the essay is great, very interesting take on the food thing. Thank you.
I wonder was your father ever confronted or punished, and is he still alive? If you don’t want to go there, please just ignore the questions and I won’t be insulted. Nor will I bring it up again.
Thank you, Phil, for your message and your care.
For the past year and a half, I've been working on a memoir and just finished a draft before the holidays; it tackles these questions and more. But the quick answers are: Yes, he's been confronted; no, unfortunately he has yet to be punished; and yes, he is still alive.
Thank you Lisa. I’ll read the rest of the story in your memoir. Please let us know when it is available. Hoping you find peace, and to be honest, he gets some form of punishment.
Peace comes in moments, such as right now, I am awake from insomnia, but I hear the wind blow my garden chimes, a thronging, soothing sound since the chime is a sturdy clay bell and clapper I've had since it was left by the previous occupants of a house I bought and lived in for a time in Tacoma, Wash. So a sound that soothes with resonance and positive memories of a garden I once had, an old white lilac tree and the one-legged Steller's jay that frequented it.
The punishment: It's so hard to prosecute crimes against children committed by their parents, and at this point he would need to turn himself in for any justice to come. That's a bitter truth, one that makes it hard to sleep.
Phil, thank you for this. I am not sure yet what I will do with the memoir, but I am considering posting some of it here on Substack.
Me, too, on all three counts.
Thanks, Beth. Even if the statute of limitations in at least one state where the crimes were committed weren't up, it's still monumentally difficult to prosecute crimes against children committed by their parents.
HEAR, HEAR!!! (I mean that in both ways.) The shame survivors must contend with is really other people's ineptitude toward the crimes committed against us which enables the perpetrators. I, too, am breaking my silence here on Substack. I have found the channel for Vera Hart, PhD to be very helpful since she is not only a survivor herself of sexual predation in adulthood, but a psychiatrist focused on neurological aspects of trauma. However, this may be a redundancy for you if you are well-versed. It has been very valuable for me. I've gotten into permaculture last year, but do not have my own home anymore. Consequently, my life has shifted dramatically, and the future is more uncertain than in any other time in my life. That's a pretty scary prospect as I approach 60 years of age. Still, you have to live the life you've got. I wish you well on your journey. I will be here reading as you go. Check out my channel if you have time. Many forking returns! Fork on!!!
Beth, first, I'm with you as you break your own silence here on Substack. I'm following you now, and I wish you the best as you face an uncertain future. Second, thank you so much for your supportive words. Lastly, I will check out Vera Hart, and I thank you for that referral.
🙏for your success and health as you forge ahead🙏
Glad that you have been able to overcome some of the obstacles caused by severe maltreatment, and wishing you peace.
Thank you so much.
Welcome back!
Bless you on your healing and health journey. I may be a little older than you Lisa. I grew up during a time when child abuse of all sorts wasn't an epidemic. I doubt it was as rampant as it has been since the 1980's.
Mary, thank you for the blessings; much appreciated.
The rapes and assaults all occurred during the 70s and 80s. It was never even talked about then; I had no vocabulary for what was happening to me.
I doubt you not Lisa. Looking back it seems to me that there were less pedophiles. Most adults I encountered knew how to let children be children and have their rendezvous with other adults. Not saying all of the people in my day were perfect. But I remember how adults I was around would whisper and talk in code so we kids couldn't hear or understand certain things they were talking about.
My mom even had a good trusting relationship with her babysitter. She lived with her sister and brother who were in their 60's. When my mom's babysitter got ready to go on vacation one year. My mom didn't have to lose time from work or look for another. Ms. Hattie, Mattie and her brother took from me from NYC all the way to somewhere in California, and delivered me safely back to my mother in NYC in a couple of days. Times have surely changed.
I think we've created a culture of fear and that we inculcate fear in our children, yet I'm not sure any of that is actually keeping children safe. In my memoir, I credit the enormous freedom to roam that characterized my 1970s childhood as key to my very survival. Since the seat of my trauma was in the home, being able to leave and spend time not just with other children but with other adults who were healthier than my own parents helped give me some of the nurture and validation I missed from them.
Thank you for your comment, Mary, as it brings up a topic that is very important. I don't know whether there are more pedophiles in today's society or not; I'd have to dig into the question of what if any research has been done to show an increase that isn't due to better awareness and reporting. But I think we can say there is more of an effort to mainstream or normalize pedophilia today, as evidenced by the push to relabel pedophiles as "minor-attracted persons" and the existence of groups like NAMBLA. That's a dark, disturbing move for sure.
Bring it sister! Appreciate your voice and courage. An artist I've loved for decades, Deb Talen, recently started sharing her experiences of being violated as a kid. I carry my moms trauma in the same vein. F**k shame. Forever.
Thank you, Brian. You have my sympathy for carrying your mother's trauma. My own mother to this day still tells me to "just get over it." She also insists that whatever I experienced as a child was nowhere near as bad as what she experienced married to my father. It's a tragedy and a source of great rage all in one, the mother's role.