Just for clarification, this is not an invitation to pitch programs and services with links identifying you as the referral provider, as one reader did. I’ve deleted that link and will delete any others, as I can't vet them properly and don't want to have them promoted here.
Just a small note of caution, if I may: I’ve found over decades of trial and error that 6 weeks is not enough time to assess long lasting results, but I pray this continues to be a success for you. Thank you for sharing that with my readers.
After looking into this more deeply I would not recommend it to readers. Much better to try the clinically proven approaches of something like this, which I can vouch for, but again this has little to do with suicide. It’s for autoimmune issues and related. https://guptaprogram.com/aff/10900
Very nice post. Please hang in there and stay strong. You are a valued and loved individual with family and friends who depend on you. Everything will be alright, we just have to be patient. Take care and always be safe 💜💜💜💜💜
The hotlines are crowded, it seems. They’re advertised on the emails that health care professionals get from their regulatory boards. The help resources take up the lower third to half of what my state board sends out.
About my bro: Me, too! Interesting about the hotlines; I'm not surprised. In a collapsing empire, those services will be the first to go. At least we're not as bad as Canada, which actually encourages and pays for suicide as a solution.
Yaaa, Canada is a mess but we have about 6 or 7 states with the "euthanasia". Oregon was the lead in getting their medicaid to cover it, years ago. Really sux.
Gracious. What a gift of realization you spoke of at the end of your writing. Your family, (meaning those you chose,
those who validate, strengthen, lovingly encourage you, speak your humor) a precious and epic reason alone. I remember grasping for straws years ago in the bathtub. But when my children became the reason, nothing else seemed to matter. Other than fierce protection & genuine affection and validation of these small people. Thank you for your vulnerability. Most people assume the hotline is a saving grace.
Your writing will help others, and God has given you a unique ability to share here. What I’ve read here has begun to help me understand my first wife whom had dealt with bottled up childhood abuse buried for 15 years, and my sister who had been abused by both of her husbands to the point she checked out of life permanently.
May the Lord guide your steps in life, and grant you healing and comfort.
Aaaah, thank you. This is exactly why I'm going out on a risky limb here to write about what really matters. Thank you for telling me that; it's more validating than you know! And thank you also for the prayer. I feel it and am so, so sorry for your first wife and sister.
I have to share this, from a therapist I saw for a time: "No one's ever come back after suicide to tell us it was the right decision." My brother Jason, who is a sharper wit than I am, had a pretty good comeback: "No one's ever come back to tell us it was the wrong one, either." I mean this in the good spirit of dark humor! ;)
Music can help. So can understanding the mechanics of the body. YouTube has a number of go-to-sleep videos one can listen to with headphones. These videos have certain frequencies that calm the mind and nudge toward sleep. Suicidal thoughts can be like a rip tide; if you understand the mechanics and have a plan you greatly increase your chances.
Ellen, this is great: "Suicidal thoughts can be like a rip tide; if you understand the mechanics and have a plan you greatly increase your chances."
You're so right; these days I set up props I can turn to in those dark hours, whether it's holding ice cubes (reengages the parasympathetic response) or just folding laundry, which can switch the brain from "scary and unfamiliar" to "mundane, normal."
MUSIC, though! Absolutely. A large part of why I've joined a church is for the singing. Music and singing are a huge feature of my childhood story, a chief alleviation.
This is an important conversation and I am glad you shared it. Thank God for your brother!
I have not dealt with that level of trauma, so what I find useful for my anxiety may not be helpful. Just in case: I find the Psalms comforting. Not the happy ones, but the ones where the psalmist cries out against man's inhumanity. Psalm 88, for example, opens, "O Lord, God of my salvation,
I cry out day and night before you. Let my prayer come before you; incline your ear to my cry!
For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol" (ESV vv 1-3). I feel less alone then.
Then the very next Psalm offers hope: I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations (Ps 89:1). That psalm is a lifeline, the promise of a good God whose steadfast love is present in the midst of my darkness.
Stephanie, thank you for these references. I'm making a note of them. "Steadfast love" stands out to me in particular.
Psalm 91 has been of particular comfort to us, with Zander part of the Iran operation. That one speaks to me because God reached out with feathers a couple of years ago when the work to heal became very difficult. I note both that one and 88 refer to crying out in the night or to a terror in the night. A common time for anxiety, both modern and ancient.
Sorry you’ve been to this place Lisa and your brother too.💗
What has helped? To see that there is only part of me that feels suicidal and this part has the reins in that moment.
I then take a few deep breaths and notice how the aspect of me that is noticing; noticing the pain, the thoughts, the breath, the moment… is soul (or the wiser, kinder, most loving part of me).
This hands the reins back to the soul so it can tend to the suicidal part as if it were a wounded animal. With unconditional love, curiosity and complete acceptance for all that she is feeling in the moment. (It’s a gentle but powerful cognitive shift).
Soul knows that there is more than one story in each moment and just as their are stories of pain, there are stories of triumph, stories of absolutes (die/ not die) and stories of softening and allowing - noticing how a deep breath can make space for something other, perhaps hope. (Focusing on stories, and creative imagery, shifts the attention out of the default mode network of the mind, into a fertile state that has capacity for creating new neural networks).
I call the suicidal part Innana and to Her I tenderly say, ‘Darling, you’ve been to hell and back, and if you feel the need to go again, I’ll support you, I’ll even make the mixed tape for the ride, but you don’t need to go there to prove your pain to me and going into that dark place again doesn’t change what happened or bring you the answers you need. Let me (soul) breathe into that pain with you and let’s see what happens.’ (Reparenting the inner child; shifting the mind state to compassion lights up the pre-frontal cortex - the part of the brain where values and ethics sit, this helps us to make better choices and see things more objectively).
I hope these responses help all the parts of you that are up at 3am or any time of day.💗💗💗
Belinda, thank you for bringing up parts work. I’ve done a deep dive on this over the past 2 years, and it’s been essential to my healing process. I, too, have a suicide part; she 1st showed up as the lady in the tub of blood from “The Shining.” Thank you for sharing your conversation with yours. That sounds just right to me.
You know something Lisa, I almost didn’t want to start reading your column a little over a year ago. I guess you seemed too perfect and accomplished or something. Then I started reading your warm and engaging stories which I really enjoyed, and so I continued in spite of your obvious perfection. The very weird thing is that in exposing your very deep and real hurt, you have actually become more perfect!! And I really admire you for climbing that impossible mountain. Thank you for trusting us.
Kathryn, your comment shocked me, and I had to go away and think about it. You made me ponder the nature of what we call “perfection,” and the irony of my waiting a lifetime to talk about the truth of what happened to me as a child because I carried the shame of it even though I was the victim, and how unworthy I feel still to have anyone’s admiration, and how I’m still struggling with trust. So, a lot! Maybe I’ll leave it at that, letting you have the last word as my thought-instigator.
I’m so sorry to cause any negative feelings. I just wanted you to know how wonderful you are to others who read your material. It was surprising to me to read of your past, I feel just sad and angry for you. But then I realized what a beautiful soul you are, and even more “perfect” than before. It’s Kind of like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Where pottery cracks are mended with gold. Again, I apologize for the consternation I caused.
Oh, my, no need to apologize! I'm failing in my communication. I thank you for your compliments, layered and beautiful. I wouldn't say you caused negative feelings... just complex ones. ;)
Just for clarification, this is not an invitation to pitch programs and services with links identifying you as the referral provider, as one reader did. I’ve deleted that link and will delete any others, as I can't vet them properly and don't want to have them promoted here.
Just a small note of caution, if I may: I’ve found over decades of trial and error that 6 weeks is not enough time to assess long lasting results, but I pray this continues to be a success for you. Thank you for sharing that with my readers.
After looking into this more deeply I would not recommend it to readers. Much better to try the clinically proven approaches of something like this, which I can vouch for, but again this has little to do with suicide. It’s for autoimmune issues and related. https://guptaprogram.com/aff/10900
Very nice post. Please hang in there and stay strong. You are a valued and loved individual with family and friends who depend on you. Everything will be alright, we just have to be patient. Take care and always be safe 💜💜💜💜💜
Thanks for this, and for restacking to share with your followers. Much appreciated!
Glad you and your brother have each other. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
The hotlines are crowded, it seems. They’re advertised on the emails that health care professionals get from their regulatory boards. The help resources take up the lower third to half of what my state board sends out.
About my bro: Me, too! Interesting about the hotlines; I'm not surprised. In a collapsing empire, those services will be the first to go. At least we're not as bad as Canada, which actually encourages and pays for suicide as a solution.
Yaaa, Canada is a mess but we have about 6 or 7 states with the "euthanasia". Oregon was the lead in getting their medicaid to cover it, years ago. Really sux.
Gracious. What a gift of realization you spoke of at the end of your writing. Your family, (meaning those you chose,
those who validate, strengthen, lovingly encourage you, speak your humor) a precious and epic reason alone. I remember grasping for straws years ago in the bathtub. But when my children became the reason, nothing else seemed to matter. Other than fierce protection & genuine affection and validation of these small people. Thank you for your vulnerability. Most people assume the hotline is a saving grace.
Thank you so much for this, and thank you for sharing your story. It's also nice to meet you; I just subscribed to Simply Here.
Thank you, Lisa! You’ll notice I’ve taken a hiatus from writing but still very much enjoying others’.
Thanks for letting me know. I’ve done that twice in the past 4 years on Substack. Always a good thing. ;)
Your writing will help others, and God has given you a unique ability to share here. What I’ve read here has begun to help me understand my first wife whom had dealt with bottled up childhood abuse buried for 15 years, and my sister who had been abused by both of her husbands to the point she checked out of life permanently.
May the Lord guide your steps in life, and grant you healing and comfort.
Aaaah, thank you. This is exactly why I'm going out on a risky limb here to write about what really matters. Thank you for telling me that; it's more validating than you know! And thank you also for the prayer. I feel it and am so, so sorry for your first wife and sister.
Two truths: suicide is never the answer, and you can never come back. Life, and hope, are always the answer. To everything.
I have to share this, from a therapist I saw for a time: "No one's ever come back after suicide to tell us it was the right decision." My brother Jason, who is a sharper wit than I am, had a pretty good comeback: "No one's ever come back to tell us it was the wrong one, either." I mean this in the good spirit of dark humor! ;)
Music can help. So can understanding the mechanics of the body. YouTube has a number of go-to-sleep videos one can listen to with headphones. These videos have certain frequencies that calm the mind and nudge toward sleep. Suicidal thoughts can be like a rip tide; if you understand the mechanics and have a plan you greatly increase your chances.
Ellen, this is great: "Suicidal thoughts can be like a rip tide; if you understand the mechanics and have a plan you greatly increase your chances."
You're so right; these days I set up props I can turn to in those dark hours, whether it's holding ice cubes (reengages the parasympathetic response) or just folding laundry, which can switch the brain from "scary and unfamiliar" to "mundane, normal."
MUSIC, though! Absolutely. A large part of why I've joined a church is for the singing. Music and singing are a huge feature of my childhood story, a chief alleviation.
This is an important conversation and I am glad you shared it. Thank God for your brother!
I have not dealt with that level of trauma, so what I find useful for my anxiety may not be helpful. Just in case: I find the Psalms comforting. Not the happy ones, but the ones where the psalmist cries out against man's inhumanity. Psalm 88, for example, opens, "O Lord, God of my salvation,
I cry out day and night before you. Let my prayer come before you; incline your ear to my cry!
For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draws near to Sheol" (ESV vv 1-3). I feel less alone then.
Then the very next Psalm offers hope: I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations (Ps 89:1). That psalm is a lifeline, the promise of a good God whose steadfast love is present in the midst of my darkness.
Stephanie, thank you for these references. I'm making a note of them. "Steadfast love" stands out to me in particular.
Psalm 91 has been of particular comfort to us, with Zander part of the Iran operation. That one speaks to me because God reached out with feathers a couple of years ago when the work to heal became very difficult. I note both that one and 88 refer to crying out in the night or to a terror in the night. A common time for anxiety, both modern and ancient.
“Coincidentally” I was standing in line today, and the woman in front of me wore a sweatshirt printed with the word steadfast and this same quote. :)
Sorry you’ve been to this place Lisa and your brother too.💗
What has helped? To see that there is only part of me that feels suicidal and this part has the reins in that moment.
I then take a few deep breaths and notice how the aspect of me that is noticing; noticing the pain, the thoughts, the breath, the moment… is soul (or the wiser, kinder, most loving part of me).
This hands the reins back to the soul so it can tend to the suicidal part as if it were a wounded animal. With unconditional love, curiosity and complete acceptance for all that she is feeling in the moment. (It’s a gentle but powerful cognitive shift).
Soul knows that there is more than one story in each moment and just as their are stories of pain, there are stories of triumph, stories of absolutes (die/ not die) and stories of softening and allowing - noticing how a deep breath can make space for something other, perhaps hope. (Focusing on stories, and creative imagery, shifts the attention out of the default mode network of the mind, into a fertile state that has capacity for creating new neural networks).
I call the suicidal part Innana and to Her I tenderly say, ‘Darling, you’ve been to hell and back, and if you feel the need to go again, I’ll support you, I’ll even make the mixed tape for the ride, but you don’t need to go there to prove your pain to me and going into that dark place again doesn’t change what happened or bring you the answers you need. Let me (soul) breathe into that pain with you and let’s see what happens.’ (Reparenting the inner child; shifting the mind state to compassion lights up the pre-frontal cortex - the part of the brain where values and ethics sit, this helps us to make better choices and see things more objectively).
I hope these responses help all the parts of you that are up at 3am or any time of day.💗💗💗
Belinda, thank you for bringing up parts work. I’ve done a deep dive on this over the past 2 years, and it’s been essential to my healing process. I, too, have a suicide part; she 1st showed up as the lady in the tub of blood from “The Shining.” Thank you for sharing your conversation with yours. That sounds just right to me.
You know something Lisa, I almost didn’t want to start reading your column a little over a year ago. I guess you seemed too perfect and accomplished or something. Then I started reading your warm and engaging stories which I really enjoyed, and so I continued in spite of your obvious perfection. The very weird thing is that in exposing your very deep and real hurt, you have actually become more perfect!! And I really admire you for climbing that impossible mountain. Thank you for trusting us.
😲
Kathryn, your comment shocked me, and I had to go away and think about it. You made me ponder the nature of what we call “perfection,” and the irony of my waiting a lifetime to talk about the truth of what happened to me as a child because I carried the shame of it even though I was the victim, and how unworthy I feel still to have anyone’s admiration, and how I’m still struggling with trust. So, a lot! Maybe I’ll leave it at that, letting you have the last word as my thought-instigator.
I’m so sorry to cause any negative feelings. I just wanted you to know how wonderful you are to others who read your material. It was surprising to me to read of your past, I feel just sad and angry for you. But then I realized what a beautiful soul you are, and even more “perfect” than before. It’s Kind of like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Where pottery cracks are mended with gold. Again, I apologize for the consternation I caused.
Oh, my, no need to apologize! I'm failing in my communication. I thank you for your compliments, layered and beautiful. I wouldn't say you caused negative feelings... just complex ones. ;)